Biblical Marriage

Session Seven

Relationship: Change, Christ-like Spiritual Growth

Ephesians 5:21-33 

Outline 

In our last session we learned the role of grace in Biblical marriage. As a house can not stand without a proper foundation, marriage must rest on grace or else be subject to the whims of selfishness becoming unstable in all its ways. By grace we are empowered to forgive sin and forbear strangeness in marriage. Like a ship with ballast in its hull, a marriage stabilized by grace can weather the storms of life. Grace allows for the dealing with sin in marriage without dwelling on sin in marriage.

Not only does grace function as the power to forgive and forbear when things are not as we would like then to be, but grace also functions as the power to change so that there isn’t as much to forgive and forbear. Marriage should never be static. The goal is not for our spouse to feel as if forbearance is a permanent ball and chain. The reality of the Gospel is Christ receiving the sinner “as is” by grace through faith. This is a glorious reality. However, it is not the whole of the reality of the New Covenant life. When our text states, “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her…”, it speaks of necessary change.

To commit to marriage is to commit to change. In this session we explore the power that grace affords toward change. It is only fitting that the Christian we are most intimate with, namely our spouse, is the primary earthly influence for change in our life by grace.

GRACE, the foundation of change 

I’m in this marriage for the long term, all the way to the end, so…

…please change.

GRACE is:

• The power to love your enemies (Matthew 5:44)
• The power to stop sinning (Romans 6:13)
• The power to call for change (Galatians 6:1)

Pattern for change: 

Christ’s relationship to the church (vs 25-27)

KEY: Christ died to change her.

Husbands changing wives: 

• Husbands are like Christ; NOT Christ
• God’s Holiness is the standard; NOT husbands personal preferences
• Change NOT by oppression, but by sacrifice

Wives changing husbands:

• Wife submit to husband like to Christ; NOT equal to Christ
• Seek change while respecting headship
• Prayer is a request for change
• Gentle spirit; NEVER nagging

LIFE APPLICATION 

The state of oppression and rebellion is the concrete in which marriage becomes static, stale, and hopeless. 

The state of Grace (forgiveness and forbearance) is the catalyst by which change toward Christ-likeness in marriage is guaranteed; sometimes even immediate change!

Biblical Marriage

Session Six

Relationship: Forgiving and Forbearing

Colossians 3:12-19 

Outline 

In the first five sessions we explored God’s glory reflected in Biblical marriage. Marriage is not man’s idea, but God’s. God made marriage part of the creation events. From the beginning, marriage has a clear purpose. The Apostle Paul makes clear the purpose in his letter to the Ephesians stating, “This mystery is profound, but I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.” Marriage will portray Christ’s relationship with his bride, the church. On the stage of life, each husband represents Christ and each wife represents the church. This profoundly shapes the way we understand headship and submission. As husbands and wives, we must accept our divine calling in this one flesh relationship, not just because it’s best for the marriage, but because the Gospel is at stake.

Even though God’s design for marriage reflecting the Gospel is perfect, the actors engaged in the play are not. No matter how much we desire to image the perfect love of Christ in our marriage, often we fail. This is the reason marriage is based on grace. “As the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.”(Colossians 3:13) In other words, take the forgiveness that we have received by the death of Christ and freely give it to others; specifically, husbands to wives, and wives to husbands.

No one is naïve enough to think their marriage will be perfect to the end. We are sinners married to sinners. Therefore, this session examines the need for forgiveness and forbearance by grace.

The Foundation of Marriage:

GRACE  (Colossians 2:13-14, 3:13)

The Practical Aspects of Grace in Marriage:

• There is going to be conflict based on sin in marriage, we need to forgive sin and forbear strangeness, and sometimes you won’t even agree on which is which;
• The hard, rugged work of forgiving and forbearing is what makes it possible for affections to flourish when they seem to have died;
• God gets glory when two very different and very imperfect people forge a life of faithfulness in the furnace of affliction by relying on Christ.

You and your Spouse have worth:

Colossians 3:12 –

Chosen – the apple of God’s eye

Holy – set apart for God’s purpose

Loved – God is for you and not against you

Value and worth solicit a response: 

Colossians 3:12 –

Inner response – compassionate heart

Outward response – kindness, humility, meekness

Being a person with Patience: 

Colossians 3:13 –

Forbear – endure strangeness

Forgive – freely or graciously give

LIFE APPLICATIONS

We don’t know what our spouse will be like in 35 years. Our HOPE is based on this: we are chosen, holy, and loved. All things God works for our ultimate good.

In the “Garden of Marriage”, learn to separate the flower bed from the compost pile. Spend more time among the flowers.

Biblical Marriage

Session Five

The Acts of Marriage: Wife and Mother

Ephesians 5:21-33 / 1 Peter 3:1-6 / Proverbs 31 

Outline 

Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives…(1 Peter 3) A proper understanding of the role of wife and mother in Biblical marriage takes much study in our culture. The negative stigma associated with submission in our culture is difficult to overcome. Think about your cultural heritage. If you are a woman born in the United States you were taught your country’s history; the struggle to be free from religious oppression; the dark time of slavery; women’s suffrage; racial inequality; prejudice; …and the list goes on.

In spite of the cultural overtones, the Bible paints a portrait of womanhood, fearlessly trusting in the promises of God, clothed in strength and dignity, able to laugh into the future. (Proverbs 31:25) Biblical submission has nothing to do with slavery; nothing to do with inequality or prejudice. Submission has everything to do with the Gospel. In order for the Gospel to be clearly seen in the marriage, husbands must be leading, through unconditional love, wives who are willingly submitting to the husband’s headship. In other words, submission is free, not coerced. The Christian woman is a free woman. When she submits to her husband she does it out of freedom, not out of fear.

In this session we will explore the role of the Christian wife and mother. We will define through Scripture what submission is, and what it is not.  

Definition of Submission

Submission is the divine calling of a wife to honor and affirm her husband’s leadership and help carry it through according to her gifts.

Submission is not exclusive to wives…

Jesus in submission to the Father (John 14:24) (Luke 22:42)

All Christians submit to authorities (Romans 13:1-7) (1 Timothy 2:1-7)

(1 Peter 2:13-3:6)

Submission is NOT: (based on 1 Peter 3:1-6)

1. Submission does not mean agreeing with everything your husband says.
2. Submission does not mean leaving your brain or your will at the wedding altar.
3. Submission does not mean avoiding every effort to change a husband.
4. Submission does not mean putting the will of the husband before the will of Christ.
5. Submission does not mean that a wife gets her personal, spiritual strength primarily through her husband.
6. Submission does not mean that a wife is to act out of fear.

Submission is: 

1. Delighting in following and carrying out, Christ and Gospel exalting, family initiatives.
2. Growing and flourishing in the role of executive officer.

What Submission Looks Like: (based on Proverbs 31)

1. Perfect Allies (vs 11-12)
2. Passionate provider (vs 13-14)
3. Skilled in business (vs 15-16)
4. Profitable (vs 17-18)
5. Compassionate (vs 19-20)
6. Fearless (vs 21-25)
7. Wise (vs 26-27)
8. Praised (vs 28-31)

LIFE APPLICATION 

God has ordained the wife to flourish under Christ-Like Servant Leadership

Affirming your husband’s headship multiplies his ability to properly lead.