Biblical Marriage

Session Ten

Relationship: Marriage is precious

Hebrews 13:1-6 

Outline 

In our ten week journey through the Bible studying marriage we have concluded that the ultimate meaning of marriage is a portrait of Christ and the church (Ephesians 5:32-33). In other words, Biblical marriage is designed by God to proclaim the Gospel. A servant-leader husband loving his wife unconditionally, while the wife returns that love as she respects her husband, is the perfect backdrop to display the glory of God in the face of Christ (2 Corinthians 4:6). One can never say too often that marriage is a reflection of Christ and his church.

Therefore, marriage is precious. It should be held by all in honor. The goal of this study is to see marriage through the lens of the Bible and get in sync with God’s heart for this one flesh union. A Christ-centered marriage is a light in an otherwise dark world. To be out of step with God’s value in marriage is to lurk in the shadows of culture. Christians are the salt of the earth and light to the world to the degree that they are out of step with the values of the world and in step with the values of God.

Our final study will focus on the idea in Hebrews 13:1-6 of living a life that pleases God. The command to hold marriage in honor is packed tightly into a section of Scripture that focuses on living a life of love. This radical life of love is possible knowing that God will never leave or forsake us. Entering marriage is entering a radical commitment to love. God’s design for marriage is to live free from the bondage of selfishness. God’s design for marriage is for the glory of His name and the good of His people.

Radical Life of Love    

Vs 1 – Love Christians

Vs 2 – Love Strangers

Vs 3 – Love Prisoners

Vs 4 – Honor Marriage

Vs 5 – Don’t Love Money

Vs 6 – Love that God wants to take care of you

Honor Marriage

Vs 4 – Keep marriage bed undefiled

1 Corinthians 6:9-11

LIFE APPLICATION 

Marriage is a place to live out a life of FORGIVENESS, JOY and HOPE

Spread the GOOD NEWS

Biblical Marriage

Session Nine

Relationship: Hope in Marriage

Colossians 3:1-6 / 1 Peter 4:7-11 

Outline 

The goal for every American married couple is to climb out of the sewer of cultural understanding when it comes to marriage.  The Apostle Paul commands us to, “set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth.” (Colossians 3:2)

The problem with marriage today is not that there are too many husbands and wives who are passionately in love with heaven. The problem is not that married couples are retreating from the world, spending half their days reading Scripture and the other half singing about their pleasures in God all the while indifferent to the needs of the world. The problem is that husbands and wives are spending ten minutes reading Scripture and then half their day making money and the other half enjoying and repairing what they spend it on.

The Apostle Paul is telling us that it is not heavenly-mindedness that hinders love in our marriage. It is worldly-mindedness that hinders love, even when it is disguised by a religious routine on the weekend. Where is the person whose heart is so passionately in love with the promised glory of heaven that they feel like an exile and a sojourner on the earth? Where are the marriages that are so full of Gospel reflection that there is maximum joy even in the stress and evil in the world?

In this session we will explore the power of right thinking in marriage. We will explore the difference of a marriage built on cultural knowledge and a marriage built on Biblical knowledge. We will answer the question: What happens in our homes when our marriage is Christ centered?

Marriage: Right Thinking

Culture vs. Kingdom (Colossians 3:1-6)

Glory of God (vs 4)

            Hope: Romans 5:1-2

Security: Romans 9:22-23

Gospel: 2 Corinthians 4:6

Power of Repentance (vs 5)

Evidence of Genuineness: 2 Corinthians 7:9-13

Multiplication of Strength

Blessing of Hospitality (1 Peter 4:7-11) 

            Vs 7: Cultivate a personal relationship with Christ

Vs 8: Cultivate a personal relationship with each other

Vs 9: without grumbling

Vs 10: Steward God’s Grace

Vs 11: Glorify God

LIFE APPLICATION

Overcome cultural norms with Kingdom knowledge

The stress of life is overcome by loving others

Biblical Marriage

Session Eight

Relationship: Change, Making Disciples

Ephesians 6:1-4 

Outline 

In the last session we focused on change. Simply stated, the commitment to marriage is a commitment toward change. But not change for the sake of changing, change that brings Christ-likeness into our marriage. The Biblical term for change is sanctification. Becoming more like Christ in every aspect of our life should be the life long goal for every Christian. We discussed the “how’s” of change; examining the pattern for change seen clearly in the relationship between Christ and his bride, the church. Christ died to change her. True change is never the result of selfishness or oppression. True change only comes from sacrificial love.

In this session we will answer the question, “Why is change such an important subject in marriage?” Another way to look at this subject is to ask, “Why does the Bible call me to a life of sanctification?”

In order to answer the question of why change toward Christ-likeness is necessary in our marriage, we must discuss again the foundations established in the first seven sessions regarding Biblical marriage. We established that the main meaning of marriage is to display the covenant-keeping love between Christ and His church. Our main text for this conclusion is Ephesians 5:21-33. Marriage is a husband playing the role of Christ, and a wife playing the role of the church, proclaiming the Gospel to everyone who would look their way, especially their children. Grace plays the foundational role in marriage as two imperfect people join together forgiving sin and forbearing strangeness. In short, God designed marriage to reflect the Gospel. This is the most important thing for all husbands and wives to know about their marriage.

In addition, God has designed marriage as the institution from which we are “fruitful and multiply and fill the earth…” (Genesis 1:26-28). The whole of Scripture makes clear that God’s design doesn’t call us to simply fill the earth with warm bodies, but fill the earth with children who follow Christ. God’s design for marriage is to be a place that fosters a hunger for Christ and His love. What better environment in which a young person grows? What better reason for every husband and wife to change to be more Christ-like every day? Simply stated, change toward Christ-likeness in our marriage is necessary because the Gospel is at stake. Marriage is a place for making disciples. Jesus commanded, “Go and make disciples of all nations…” (Matthew 28:20).

Making Marriage a Place for Making Disciples   

Structure presented in the text: (Ephesians 6:1-4)

• Fathers Lead
• Mothers and Fathers Teach by Example
• Environment of Honor and Unity
• Always Pointing to the Lord
• Child has a Front Row Seat to View “Christ and the Church”

Fathers, don’t provoke anger: (verse 4)

Why the focus on anger?

• When authority and self-will come together anger often occurs
• Anger devours other emotions
• God’s forgiveness deals primarily with anger (Eph. 4:31-5:2)

LIFE APPLICATION

Think about the dynamic change that will happen in our children when they love what they see at home in your Christ-centered marriage.

Christ-centered marriage is a place of tender love that opens our children’s heart and delivers them from anger.

Biblical Marriage

Session Seven

Relationship: Change, Christ-like Spiritual Growth

Ephesians 5:21-33 

Outline 

In our last session we learned the role of grace in Biblical marriage. As a house can not stand without a proper foundation, marriage must rest on grace or else be subject to the whims of selfishness becoming unstable in all its ways. By grace we are empowered to forgive sin and forbear strangeness in marriage. Like a ship with ballast in its hull, a marriage stabilized by grace can weather the storms of life. Grace allows for the dealing with sin in marriage without dwelling on sin in marriage.

Not only does grace function as the power to forgive and forbear when things are not as we would like then to be, but grace also functions as the power to change so that there isn’t as much to forgive and forbear. Marriage should never be static. The goal is not for our spouse to feel as if forbearance is a permanent ball and chain. The reality of the Gospel is Christ receiving the sinner “as is” by grace through faith. This is a glorious reality. However, it is not the whole of the reality of the New Covenant life. When our text states, “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her…”, it speaks of necessary change.

To commit to marriage is to commit to change. In this session we explore the power that grace affords toward change. It is only fitting that the Christian we are most intimate with, namely our spouse, is the primary earthly influence for change in our life by grace.

GRACE, the foundation of change 

I’m in this marriage for the long term, all the way to the end, so…

…please change.

GRACE is:

• The power to love your enemies (Matthew 5:44)
• The power to stop sinning (Romans 6:13)
• The power to call for change (Galatians 6:1)

Pattern for change: 

Christ’s relationship to the church (vs 25-27)

KEY: Christ died to change her.

Husbands changing wives: 

• Husbands are like Christ; NOT Christ
• God’s Holiness is the standard; NOT husbands personal preferences
• Change NOT by oppression, but by sacrifice

Wives changing husbands:

• Wife submit to husband like to Christ; NOT equal to Christ
• Seek change while respecting headship
• Prayer is a request for change
• Gentle spirit; NEVER nagging

LIFE APPLICATION 

The state of oppression and rebellion is the concrete in which marriage becomes static, stale, and hopeless. 

The state of Grace (forgiveness and forbearance) is the catalyst by which change toward Christ-likeness in marriage is guaranteed; sometimes even immediate change!

Biblical Marriage

Session Six

Relationship: Forgiving and Forbearing

Colossians 3:12-19 

Outline 

In the first five sessions we explored God’s glory reflected in Biblical marriage. Marriage is not man’s idea, but God’s. God made marriage part of the creation events. From the beginning, marriage has a clear purpose. The Apostle Paul makes clear the purpose in his letter to the Ephesians stating, “This mystery is profound, but I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.” Marriage will portray Christ’s relationship with his bride, the church. On the stage of life, each husband represents Christ and each wife represents the church. This profoundly shapes the way we understand headship and submission. As husbands and wives, we must accept our divine calling in this one flesh relationship, not just because it’s best for the marriage, but because the Gospel is at stake.

Even though God’s design for marriage reflecting the Gospel is perfect, the actors engaged in the play are not. No matter how much we desire to image the perfect love of Christ in our marriage, often we fail. This is the reason marriage is based on grace. “As the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.”(Colossians 3:13) In other words, take the forgiveness that we have received by the death of Christ and freely give it to others; specifically, husbands to wives, and wives to husbands.

No one is naïve enough to think their marriage will be perfect to the end. We are sinners married to sinners. Therefore, this session examines the need for forgiveness and forbearance by grace.

The Foundation of Marriage:

GRACE  (Colossians 2:13-14, 3:13)

The Practical Aspects of Grace in Marriage:

• There is going to be conflict based on sin in marriage, we need to forgive sin and forbear strangeness, and sometimes you won’t even agree on which is which;
• The hard, rugged work of forgiving and forbearing is what makes it possible for affections to flourish when they seem to have died;
• God gets glory when two very different and very imperfect people forge a life of faithfulness in the furnace of affliction by relying on Christ.

You and your Spouse have worth:

Colossians 3:12 –

Chosen – the apple of God’s eye

Holy – set apart for God’s purpose

Loved – God is for you and not against you

Value and worth solicit a response: 

Colossians 3:12 –

Inner response – compassionate heart

Outward response – kindness, humility, meekness

Being a person with Patience: 

Colossians 3:13 –

Forbear – endure strangeness

Forgive – freely or graciously give

LIFE APPLICATIONS

We don’t know what our spouse will be like in 35 years. Our HOPE is based on this: we are chosen, holy, and loved. All things God works for our ultimate good.

In the “Garden of Marriage”, learn to separate the flower bed from the compost pile. Spend more time among the flowers.

Biblical Marriage

Session Five

The Acts of Marriage: Wife and Mother

Ephesians 5:21-33 / 1 Peter 3:1-6 / Proverbs 31 

Outline 

Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives…(1 Peter 3) A proper understanding of the role of wife and mother in Biblical marriage takes much study in our culture. The negative stigma associated with submission in our culture is difficult to overcome. Think about your cultural heritage. If you are a woman born in the United States you were taught your country’s history; the struggle to be free from religious oppression; the dark time of slavery; women’s suffrage; racial inequality; prejudice; …and the list goes on.

In spite of the cultural overtones, the Bible paints a portrait of womanhood, fearlessly trusting in the promises of God, clothed in strength and dignity, able to laugh into the future. (Proverbs 31:25) Biblical submission has nothing to do with slavery; nothing to do with inequality or prejudice. Submission has everything to do with the Gospel. In order for the Gospel to be clearly seen in the marriage, husbands must be leading, through unconditional love, wives who are willingly submitting to the husband’s headship. In other words, submission is free, not coerced. The Christian woman is a free woman. When she submits to her husband she does it out of freedom, not out of fear.

In this session we will explore the role of the Christian wife and mother. We will define through Scripture what submission is, and what it is not.  

Definition of Submission

Submission is the divine calling of a wife to honor and affirm her husband’s leadership and help carry it through according to her gifts.

Submission is not exclusive to wives…

Jesus in submission to the Father (John 14:24) (Luke 22:42)

All Christians submit to authorities (Romans 13:1-7) (1 Timothy 2:1-7)

(1 Peter 2:13-3:6)

Submission is NOT: (based on 1 Peter 3:1-6)

1. Submission does not mean agreeing with everything your husband says.
2. Submission does not mean leaving your brain or your will at the wedding altar.
3. Submission does not mean avoiding every effort to change a husband.
4. Submission does not mean putting the will of the husband before the will of Christ.
5. Submission does not mean that a wife gets her personal, spiritual strength primarily through her husband.
6. Submission does not mean that a wife is to act out of fear.

Submission is: 

1. Delighting in following and carrying out, Christ and Gospel exalting, family initiatives.
2. Growing and flourishing in the role of executive officer.

What Submission Looks Like: (based on Proverbs 31)

1. Perfect Allies (vs 11-12)
2. Passionate provider (vs 13-14)
3. Skilled in business (vs 15-16)
4. Profitable (vs 17-18)
5. Compassionate (vs 19-20)
6. Fearless (vs 21-25)
7. Wise (vs 26-27)
8. Praised (vs 28-31)

LIFE APPLICATION 

God has ordained the wife to flourish under Christ-Like Servant Leadership

Affirming your husband’s headship multiplies his ability to properly lead.

Biblical Marriage

Session Four

The Acts of Marriage: Husband and Father (Part 2)

Ephesians 5:21-33 

Outline 

Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her…Jesus is the pattern for manhood. This fact can be overwhelming. After all, Jesus is perfect. However, those who are imperfect, (me and you) must have the goal to line up with the pattern. As men we will never do anything perfectly. But we must be found doing the very things that Jesus did for the church.

In the first chapter of Ephesians, Paul records that the name of Christ is above every name and all things are under his feet. God made him head over all things to the church. This speaks of Jesus’ leadership role. As Paul completes this thought in chapter five verses 31 and 32, husbands are the same type of leader in their marriage. But it is servant-leadership. Jesus takes the lead by suffering and dying for his bride. Jesus planned his servant-leadership role and he took the initiative to bring it to pass.

Servant-leadership prohibits brutality, and Jesus’ intentional actions prohibits passive couch surfing. The pattern is perfect even when we are not. So, it is a call of God to every husband to gladly take on the responsibility of Christ-like, servant-leadership in the home, making provisions for, and offering protection to, his bride.

According to our focal verses, if we love our wives correctly she feels nourished and cherished. (Ephesians 5:28-29) In this session we will look at what it means to be a husband and father that nourishes and cherishes his family.

Servant-Leadership

Protection and Provision (vs 25-27)

Physical

Spiritual

Taking the initiative

Not doing all the work

Nourish and Cherish (vs 28-30)

Taking initiative to see that needs are met

Willing to sacrifice anything for the good of wife and children

The Example of Job

Job’s heart for God and family (Job 1:5)

God’s heart for Job (Job 1:8)

A primary purpose (Job 19:25)

Job’s confession (Job 42:1-6)

LIFE APPLICATION

What women long for is spiritual and moral initiative from a man, not spiritual and moral domination.

Husband leadership is design for God’s Glory and our good.