Gospel
Biblical Marriage – Session Six (Teaching Outline)
Biblical Marriage
Session Six
Relationship: Forgiving and Forbearing
Colossians 3:12-19
Outline
In the first five sessions we explored God’s glory reflected in Biblical marriage. Marriage is not man’s idea, but God’s. God made marriage part of the creation events. From the beginning, marriage has a clear purpose. The Apostle Paul makes clear the purpose in his letter to the Ephesians stating, “This mystery is profound, but I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.” Marriage will portray Christ’s relationship with his bride, the church. On the stage of life, each husband represents Christ and each wife represents the church. This profoundly shapes the way we understand headship and submission. As husbands and wives, we must accept our divine calling in this one flesh relationship, not just because it’s best for the marriage, but because the Gospel is at stake.
Even though God’s design for marriage reflecting the Gospel is perfect, the actors engaged in the play are not. No matter how much we desire to image the perfect love of Christ in our marriage, often we fail. This is the reason marriage is based on grace. “As the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.”(Colossians 3:13) In other words, take the forgiveness that we have received by the death of Christ and freely give it to others; specifically, husbands to wives, and wives to husbands.
No one is naïve enough to think their marriage will be perfect to the end. We are sinners married to sinners. Therefore, this session examines the need for forgiveness and forbearance by grace.
The Foundation of Marriage:
GRACE (Colossians 2:13-14, 3:13)
The Practical Aspects of Grace in Marriage:
- There is going to be conflict based on sin in marriage, we need to forgive sin and forbear strangeness, and sometimes you won’t even agree on which is which;
- The hard, rugged work of forgiving and forbearing is what makes it possible for affections to flourish when they seem to have died;
- God gets glory when two very different and very imperfect people forge a life of faithfulness in the furnace of affliction by relying on Christ.
You and your Spouse have worth:
Colossians 3:12 –
Chosen – the apple of God’s eye
Holy – set apart for God’s purpose
Loved – God is for you and not against you
Value and worth solicit a response:
Colossians 3:12 –
Inner response – compassionate heart
Outward response – kindness, humility, meekness
Being a person with Patience:
Colossians 3:13 –
Forbear – endure strangeness
Forgive – freely or graciously give
LIFE APPLICATIONS
We don’t know what our spouse will be like in 35 years. Our HOPE is based on this: we are chosen, holy, and loved. All things God works for our ultimate good.
In the “Garden of Marriage”, learn to separate the flower bed from the compost pile. Spend more time among the flowers.
Biblical Marriage Homework Session Six
Biblical Marriage – Session Six Homework
Read Matthew 5:43-48
Can this passage relate to your relationship with your spouse?
Specifically, can you relate verse 46 to your relationship with your spouse?
In verse 48, how is Jesus instructing us to love our spouse (and others)?
Paul states in Philippians 2:3 – Do nothing out of vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves.
Question: Do you love your spouse expecting (deserving) something in return?
It has been said that the foundational definition of manipulation is “giving to get”.
It has been said that the foundational definition of honor is “giving, demanding nothing”.
Loving your spouse because they are making you happy is a sure sign of manipulation. Loving your spouse in spite of their attitude toward you is a sure sign of honor.
Check your love for your spouse by the following list. Place a check mark by the attitude you have right now regarding your love for your spouse.
Attitudes of Honor Attitudes of Manipulation
You belong to God You exist to serve me
You’re made in God’s image You’re an object
I give without expecting a return I give to get what I want from you
I want you to be successful I need you to make me happy
God is using you to make me like Him You’re the problem
I’ll love you even if you don’t respond with love I’ll love you as long as it “works”
Pray that God would help you in any area where you placed a check mark in the manipulation column.
Biblical Marriage – Session Five (Audio and Video)
Biblical Marriage – Session Five (Teaching Outline)
Biblical Marriage
Session Five
The Acts of Marriage: Wife and Mother
Ephesians 5:21-33 / 1 Peter 3:1-6 / Proverbs 31
Outline
Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives…(1 Peter 3) A proper understanding of the role of wife and mother in Biblical marriage takes much study in our culture. The negative stigma associated with submission in our culture is difficult to overcome. Think about your cultural heritage. If you are a woman born in the United States you were taught your country’s history; the struggle to be free from religious oppression; the dark time of slavery; women’s suffrage; racial inequality; prejudice; …and the list goes on.
In spite of the cultural overtones, the Bible paints a portrait of womanhood, fearlessly trusting in the promises of God, clothed in strength and dignity, able to laugh into the future. (Proverbs 31:25) Biblical submission has nothing to do with slavery; nothing to do with inequality or prejudice. Submission has everything to do with the Gospel. In order for the Gospel to be clearly seen in the marriage, husbands must be leading, through unconditional love, wives who are willingly submitting to the husband’s headship. In other words, submission is free, not coerced. The Christian woman is a free woman. When she submits to her husband she does it out of freedom, not out of fear.
In this session we will explore the role of the Christian wife and mother. We will define through Scripture what submission is, and what it is not.
Definition of Submission
Submission is the divine calling of a wife to honor and affirm her husband’s leadership and help carry it through according to her gifts.
Submission is not exclusive to wives…
Jesus in submission to the Father (John 14:24) (Luke 22:42)
All Christians submit to authorities (Romans 13:1-7) (1 Timothy 2:1-7)
(1 Peter 2:13-3:6)
Submission is NOT: (based on 1 Peter 3:1-6)
- Submission does not mean agreeing with everything your husband says.
- Submission does not mean leaving your brain or your will at the wedding altar.
- Submission does not mean avoiding every effort to change a husband.
- Submission does not mean putting the will of the husband before the will of Christ.
- Submission does not mean that a wife gets her personal, spiritual strength primarily through her husband.
- Submission does not mean that a wife is to act out of fear.
Submission is:
- Delighting in following and carrying out, Christ and Gospel exalting, family initiatives.
- Growing and flourishing in the role of executive officer.
What Submission Looks Like: (based on Proverbs 31)
- Perfect Allies (vs 11-12)
- Passionate provider (vs 13-14)
- Skilled in business (vs 15-16)
- Profitable (vs 17-18)
- Compassionate (vs 19-20)
- Fearless (vs 21-25)
- Wise (vs 26-27)
- Praised (vs 28-31)
LIFE APPLICATION
God has ordained the wife to flourish under Christ-Like Servant Leadership
Affirming your husband’s headship multiplies his ability to properly lead.
Biblical Marriage Homework Session Five
Homework – Session Five
In session five we focus on the role of wife and mother. When no other creature was found suitable for Adam, Eve was taken from his side and presented to Adam as helper. (Hebrew – “EZER”) What does this helper look like in Scripture? Focus on the dynamic description found in Proverbs 31: 11-14;
The heart of her husband trusts in her,
and he will have no lack of gain.
12 She does him good, and not harm,
all the days of her life.
13 She seeks wool and flax,
and works with willing hands.
14 She is like the ships of the merchant;
she brings her food from afar. [1]
Now read the following commentary on the same passage:
31:11–12 The husband has “full confidence” (v. 11) in her in every area of life; he trusts in her good sense, her fidelity, and her industry. Verse 11b emphasizes the latter: his house is full of the “booty” she brings in. Verse 12 similarly states that she is a continual source of benefits.
31:13 The large number of verses devoted to the industrious spirit of the woman establishes this as a major theme of the poem (vv. 13–19). In an age long before the industrial revolution, women had to work at spinning wool and making clothes in every spare moment; fidelity in this labor was a mark of feminine virtue. Rather than “with eager hands,” v. 13b might be translated somewhat more literally “at the pleasure of her hands.” The hands are semipersonified as taking pleasure in their creation and going about their work with a set purpose.9
31:14 She adds variety to the lives of her family by trading goods produced at home for food and merchandise the household cannot itself produce (v. 14). She has moved her household from a subsistence economy to a mercantile economy, and all enjoy the fruit of her enterprising spirit.[2]
For the women: After reading the commentary, write a brief description by example of what it is to be an ally.
For the men: After reading the commentary, write a brief description by example of what it is to have an ally.
[1] The Holy Bible: English Standard Version (Wheaton: Standard Bible Society, 2001), Pr 31:11–14.
[2] Duane A. Garrett, Proverbs, Ecclesiastes, Song of Songs, vol. 14, The New American Commentary (Nashville: Broadman & Holman Publishers, 1993), 249.
Biblical Marriage – Session Four (Audio and Video)
Biblical Marriage – Session Four (Teaching Outline)
Biblical Marriage
Session Four
The Acts of Marriage: Husband and Father (Part 2)
Ephesians 5:21-33
Outline
Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her…Jesus is the pattern for manhood. This fact can be overwhelming. After all, Jesus is perfect. However, those who are imperfect, (me and you) must have the goal to line up with the pattern. As men we will never do anything perfectly. But we must be found doing the very things that Jesus did for the church.
In the first chapter of Ephesians, Paul records that the name of Christ is above every name and all things are under his feet. God made him head over all things to the church. This speaks of Jesus’ leadership role. As Paul completes this thought in chapter five verses 31 and 32, husbands are the same type of leader in their marriage. But it is servant-leadership. Jesus takes the lead by suffering and dying for his bride. Jesus planned his servant-leadership role and he took the initiative to bring it to pass.
Servant-leadership prohibits brutality, and Jesus’ intentional actions prohibits passive couch surfing. The pattern is perfect even when we are not. So, it is a call of God to every husband to gladly take on the responsibility of Christ-like, servant-leadership in the home, making provisions for, and offering protection to, his bride.
According to our focal verses, if we love our wives correctly she feels nourished and cherished. (Ephesians 5:28-29) In this session we will look at what it means to be a husband and father that nourishes and cherishes his family.
Servant-Leadership
Protection and Provision (vs 25-27)
Physical
Spiritual
Taking the initiative
Not doing all the work
Nourish and Cherish (vs 28-30)
Taking initiative to see that needs are met
Willing to sacrifice anything for the good of wife and children
The Example of Job
Job’s heart for God and family (Job 1:5)
God’s heart for Job (Job 1:8)
A primary purpose (Job 19:25)
Job’s confession (Job 42:1-6)
LIFE APPLICATION
What women long for is spiritual and moral initiative from a man, not spiritual and moral domination.
Husband leadership is design for God’s Glory and our good.
Biblical Marriage – Session Three (Audio and Video)
Biblical Marriage – Session Three (Teaching Outline)
Biblical Marriage
Session Three
The Acts of Marriage: Husband and Father (Part 1)
Ephesians 5:21-33
Outline
We established that marriage is the doing of God. Marriage is established at the very beginning. Before the sixth day of creation ends we see our first wedding. We are created to be image bearers. We bear the image of our Creator. As God made man in His own image, so He made earthly marriage in the image of His own eternal marriage with His people. Therefore, as long as Christ tarries, marriage will stand for one thing only, Christ loving his church. In other words, marriage is the image bearer of the Gospel.
As such, our marriage is a covenant relationship that mirrors the New Covenant in the Blood of Christ. Marriage is not a function of self gratification; it is a vessel of sacrificial love rewarding all who participate.
In this session we look at the role of husband and father. In Paul’s definition of the one flesh relationship recorded in Ephesians 5:21-33, husbands are compared to Christ, wives are compared to the church. Husbands are compared to the head; wives are compared to the body. Husbands are commanded to love as Christ loved. The roles Paul describes are unique. In this session we begin to explore their uniqueness.
Roles begin in Mutual Submission (vs 21)
Mutual Submission
Humble service to the other
Build each other up
Does NOT cancel out Headship
Mutual Submission is defined in Unique Roles (vs 22-33)
Husbands compared to Christ
Wives compared to the church
Husbands compared to the Head
Wives compared to the Body
Roles are not arbitrary or reversible
MEN – Bring Your Headship into Conformity
Husband Headship – one of the most broken parts of our culture
Sin corrupted- Brutal / Passive
Christ-like Servant Leader who:
Provides
Protects
Definition of Headship: Headship is the divine calling of a husband to take primary responsibility for Christ-like, servant leadership, protection, and provision in the home.
***Homework***
LIFE APPLICATION
Getting First Things Right; Second Things ALWAYS Get Better
What is at stake here is the Gospel
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